“Marriage should be enjoyed not endured.”
Last January 17-18, 2020, we attended a marriage retreat organized by CCF. I thought we won’t make it but thru God’s grace and weeks of praying, we were blessed to enjoy the renewal of our vows, witnessed the testimony of other couples who had gone thru a tragic life’s test but God transformed them and blessed them with second chances to testify God’s faithfulness to those who believes and keep their faith in Him.
My husband wasn’t really interested in things like this. As he knows our marriage is good, nothing needs to be fixed and none of us needs healing. It was a contrary in my part. I know how devastating our marriage is, it gives me nothing but sleepless nights. I felt restless and it wasn’t really easy to bear. I felt, I was alone in this battle, that my husband was too insensitive to have it noticed.
Kym & I have been together for 8 years now. Raised as Christians, following the Catholic traditions. Married for 2 and a half years already and blessed with a 1 year old son. The long years of being together made us feel so secured of each other. The familiarity made us over confident that no matter what we say about and against each other, we will always choose to be together. Good as it may sound. But the reality is, it gets too toxic for two different people to stay together harmoniously. The beginning of our marriage wasn’t so great as many others describe how it should be. We thought of super sweet, exciting and all the cute and lovely stuff you could think of as a married couple, that’s how we thought our married life would be. Struggles came in. Finances, job loss, differences in the way we think, respond to every situations, priorities and many other differences that are too many to count. Not to mention the stress brought by our in laws. Two people who came from two different families, raised with two different cultures and beliefs, were put together to build a happy family.
Days and months have passed and the relationship gets too toxic. Many hurtful words we’re thrown to each other. We hurt each other emotionally, mentally and physically. We became so barbaric that even in public, we intentionally embarrass each other. We compete and we never cared how rude or angry we were. Shouting and fighting in front of our little child who will then cry because of his furious parents!
Finally, after almost one year of praying, God has heard my prayers. Indeed, his plans are better than ours. Joining the CCF marriage retreat is the least on my list. Because Kym was so firm that he will only join if it will be organized by the Catholics. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. I continuously prayed like a wounded child that needs great healing. Until Kym said yes!
The event started with a prayer of course and I sincerely prayed that Kym & I would have an open heart so everything that will be said and done until the end of the retreat will stimulate our hearts, mind and soul. And once again, God has heard my prayers!
We learned so many things, we realized the things that we used to do that we shouldn’t. Let me write it down, point to point!
- HONOR & RESPECT your husband
- Do not be sarcastic
- Say thank you or I’m sorry
- Do not say bad things about/against your husband
- Be a wife who is gentle and quiet in spirit
- Do not nag at your husband
- If things gone wrong, pray
- Do not stress your husband
- Your role is to serve your husband as you serve the Lord
- Your husband needs companion
- Let your husband learned from his mistakes
- Do not dominate your husband
- Your husband is the leader of your family, you should NOT take over
- You as a wife is the helper of your husband
- Stay beautiful and faithful to your husband
- Give your self for your husband’s physical needs
And for the husband:
- Be a good leader
- Do not be rude & sarcastic
- Be a loving husband
- The Lord is your top priority and your wife is next
- Give time for your wife
- Be a good provider
- Do not be a passive partner
- Learn your wife’s love language
- Shower him with gifts in any form
- Always give words of affirmation
- Do not raise your voice and hand to your wife
- Be a Godly husband
Know your priorities
Kym was moved! Said sorry for the years that he chose to be with his friends over me. For the painful words he thrown at me and for all the humiliation I felt in the past. I was moved too! I thought I don’t love him anymore, I told him that, so many times. That I want to be out of his life. I was wrong. I realized how I love this person and how grateful I am that the Lord allowed me to marry this man to be a Godly husband and wife and parents to our son. I realized, I failed to honor and respect him because I always make all the decisions in our lives. No matter how big or small it is. I was too dominating, controlling and aggressive. I was impatient and too entitled because I also have a fair share of income, that my feelings and comfort should always be his top priority. We lived for ourselves only.
This marriage retreat helped us to reminisce how we started, the things we like about each other the first time we dated and the most memorable events in our lives that we will never forget. Yep! We cried! We hugged and we kissed! It feels so new! For the first time in many years, I felt our love for each other again, so sincere, so genuine and so pure. We can’t take off our eyes from each other. Once more, God has heard my prayers.
Our vows this time feels more meaningful than what we had written in our wedding. We went home with a happy heart. So calm, so loving, so true! At home, we realized that even if we’re already married that nobody can’t separate us, we should still keep the boundaries of avoiding to hurt each other in any form. That each of us has roles that God designed for married couple. We shouldn’t confused ourselves by switching the roles. Always pray for each other.
Truly, love is sweeter the second time around. Too God be the glory!
CamsMaria 